


So Sad, So Sad

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, fluff????, idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9128695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Iwaizumi insists Oikawa's perfect sunshine smile isn't special.At least, it isn't especially for him.





	

_ So Sad So Sad, I could never make you stay _

 

It was really nothing special, Oikawa’s smile. Iwaizumi knew that, he knew it in his very bones and his brain that the rays of sunshine that came from a simple up turned quirk of the lips. It wasn’t because of the sunshine that he knew that the smile wasn’t special, of course. It wasn’t even that, because it was special, when he let himself think about it on the rare chance that he wasn’t high on his guard.

 

The smile just wasn’t especially for him. 

 

That might have come off as a bit selfish to anyone else, so that’s why Iwaizumi kept it in his brain. He didn’t want anyone to think that he wanted a special smile that was just for him anyway after all. It wasn’t like he was gay or anything. He just found it annoying when all throughout middle school he kept seeing that smile bounce off of every wall and then it still made him breathless when pointed at him, no matter how worthless he knew it had to be. It wasn’t special, he reminded himself. Not special for him.

  
_ Too Bad Too Bad, I could never walk away _

 

However, as he went through high school, he was still drawn to it as much as he was before. The stupid, false sunshine he convinced himself it was promising was not for him. It was lies, it was meant for all those girls that Oikawa played around with on the weekends when he felt like he needed a good lay. Iwaizumi knew the moment he let himself believe that it was for him he would have lost. 

 

So he didn’t. He let Oikawa stay close to him, let him hug him and jump on his back (“Are you getting old already, Iwa-chan?” he asked when the shorter had groaned under his weight on time), Iwaizumi let him drag him to those parties that he always left with someone else at. He let himself fall, and knew he was doing it, but couldn’t help it. The one thing he held firm on, was making sure he never once mistook that smile as something for him. It wasn’t. It wasn’t and it never would be, he was confident of it.

 

He was weak, he told himself. He let himself fall, and he was a pussy to not break off and disconnect from Oikawa like a band aid. But he was also strong, he tried to tell himself, because at least he wasn’t delusional.

 

At least there was that.

  
_ So Sad So Sad, I rely upon the sham _

 

Their first year had been full of hand holding. Oikawa wouldn’t think twice before even just grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand to drag him to class faster. But the shorter dark haired teen knew he was getting attached to the feeling of the creases of Oikawa’s palm and the sugary sweetness in his eyes as he smiled and sunshine came through and he yelled, “hurry up, Iwa-chan!”

 

So he stopped the hand holding. There was an awkward moment where Oikawa had reached for his hand, grabbed it, and Iwaizumi had flinched. It was in the middle of a hallway, and no one noticed really, no one but Oikawa. “Are… are you okay?” the brunette asked, brown eyes turning big. Iwaizumi only hesitated for a second before walking past Oikawa in the direction of their class, not even looking back. 

 

“Of course,” he replied over his shoulder, wondering if Oikawa even heard or if the words got carried away in the noise of the hallway.

  
_ To help me explain why I will never be the same _

 

It felt a little awful to do that, but he knew that if he didn’t he would just get even more attached to that stupid false sunshine smile. Even at that point he knew there would be an end. He was painstakingly aware of it almost all the time. He was doing it to make things easier, eh would remind himself when he saw Oikawa almost reach out for his hand only to pull it back in a split second, knowing Iwaizumi would pull away. And Iwaizumi tried to pretend he didn’t see the sad expression on Oikawa’s face when he did.

The pain didn’t go away, and neither did the parties that Oikawa dragged him too. One time in the beginning of their second year Oikawa took him to a party where the music was loud and the crowds uncaring, and had looked at him with that sunshine smile and laughed out, “Dance with me, Iwa-chan!” And despite his wishes to just move past the stupid feelings clamoring around in his heart when Oikawa said that, he said no and went off to find the appeal Oikawa saw in getting laid at each and every single one of these things he got dragged to.

  
_ Trying to be a perfect circle _

 

Maybe getting laid wasn’t so bad, Iwaizumi had thought as he went through with it and thought maybe he understood why Oikawa did this so much. This girl in particular was incredibly cute, all flushed and biting her lip and almost crying from the intensity. He was kind of inexperienced, but she made up for it in her own skill. Despite her seeming cute and innocent, Iwaizumi figured that if anyone could kiss as well as her then they certainly weren’t innocent on any level. 

 

Afterwards she fell asleep against his side, snoring cutely and softly, and Iwaizumi’s thoughts found their way back to Oikawa, who had probably done the same thing as him, had probably gone off and found a girl to fawn over his pretty hair and eyes. Charm the pants off of her quite literally, and risk getting STD’s for a good lay another time. Stare into the depths of a bottle and gladly dive down in for a second, a third, a fourth time.

_  
_ _ Weak just like I take my drinks _

 

Feeling kind of like a pussy (and the girl that everyone always talks about leaving before the morning) Iwaizumi grumbled and got out of bed. Knowing Oikawa he certainly might have gotten laid, but Iwaizumi needed to check and see if Oikawa was crying in an alley, piss drunk and mugged. That would be, in a word, bad.As he pulled on hsi clothes the girl woke up. “Can I have your number…?” She asked. He took an extra second to write it on her arm in sharpie, and she wrote her number on his arm as well.  

 

“I just have to make sure my friend isn’t dead or something, I was supposed to be the designated driver but he pissed me off, so…” he trailed off and shrugged, ad she said it was perfectly alright, but to call or text her. Then she pulled him down and proved once again how she could not be a saint, no matter how cute and innocent she looked, if she could kiss someone like that. Then he left to go find Oikawa, wherever that brunette boy might be. 

_  
_ _ A crumb upon my plate leads to a week of crying streaks _

 

When Iwaizumi found Oikawa the brunette setter was leaning up against a wall, where a girl was letting him cry (literally) on her shoulder. “Sorry about him,” Iwaizumi told her, shaking Oikawa off and slinging the setter on his back. “He just gets really crazy when he’s drunk. I never know if he’s going to get laid or get mugged.” He expected her to laugh, but she just tilted her head.

 

“He doesn’t seem the type to have sex with random people when he’s in love with someone else,” she told Iwaizumi. “But no, it’s fine. He’s a real sweetheart, your friend is. Tell him to go after the person he loves for me, will you? He’s being a little pussy about it.” He laughed at that and said he would, and then took a slightly babbling Oikawa to his car, where he drove away from the party. 

 

The whole ride the sharpie numbers on his arm kept catching his eye. 

_  
_ _ I'll never walk away, I could never walk away _

 

When he woke up the next morning, the numbers were faded but still there. Oikawa was right next to him, snoring away (in a way completely different from teh cute way she had snored, but it wasn’t repelling also) and cuddling up to him (except Oikawa was long and lean in the way that was different from her shortness and curves). He grumbles, just like he had getting out of the bed she had been in last night, and got his phone. He sent her a quick text, and when they had been texting for the better part of an hour with Oikawa still sleeping, he realized he still didn’t know her name.

 

‘Sorry’ he asked, ‘but I don’t believe I ever got your name?’ she send him a laughing emoji, and replied saying she had never gotten his either. When he told her his name was Iwaizumi Hajime, she told him that her name was Otosaka Mei, but that he could go ahead and call her Mei because everyone else did.Right when Oikawa stirred and started wiping his eyes, Iwaizumi decided that he was going to ask her out, and he did. ‘Want to come to this good cafe I know?’ he asked.

_  
_ _ Walk away, I could never walk away _

 

And that was how, in his second year of high school, Iwaizumi asked out a girl named Otosaka Mei. She said yes, of course, and they met up that very afternoon in an afternoon glow that Iwaizumi would have called cheesy had he not experienced it himself. “We’re doing this kind of backwards, aren’t we?” She asked him, smiling up at him cleverly,and he laughed. 

 

“Yeah, I guess we are,” he replied, and they both knew they were talking about how first they had fucked, then they were going on a date. Though he hadn’t said it was one specifically, they both knew that was what it was. When Oikawa had asked him where he was going (as the alien obsessed teen had stayed on Iwaizumi’s couch pretty much the entire day, he had told him that it was a date, (Oikawa had the nerve to look surprised as Iwaizumi walked out of his house and to his car).

__  
_ Walk away, I could never walk away, Walk away _ __  
  


When Iwaizumi came back from the date, he had just dropped Mei off at her house, as she had been dropped off at the cafe by her sister. He did the stupid cliche thing and asked her to be his girlfriend in front of the door and then kissed her goodbye. Still, his heart was doing the thing it only ever had done with Oikawa before, and he had to admit it was a new kind of exciting. 

 

“How was your date?” asked Oikawa when Iwaizumi walked in. There was E.T. ready to play on the TV. He wondered how long Oikawa had been waiting for him, and how much the brunette setter was expecting him to say it went terrible. He walked across the room and sat down on the couch with a reasonable distance between him and Oikawa. He really played it up as if it had gone as bad as he thought Oikawa expected it to.

 

“Actually it went great, and I asked her to be my girlfriend,” Iwaizumi told him nonchalantly.

__  
_ I could never make you stay _ __  
  


“Oh,” Oikawa replied in a small voice, sounding just a little bit broken. With a ple hand Oikawa started the movie, one which Iwaizumi knew all too well at this point due to how many time Oikawa had made him watch the movie with him. And then there were all the times when Iwaizumi suggested it (though all of those were to make Oikawa feel better while being sick or something along those lines). Iwaizumi could practically recite the movie word for word by the time they were in middle school.

 

“Also, a girl you were talking to last night wanted me to tell you that you should go for it with the person you’re in love with,” Iwaizumi added in a casual tone. He wondered why Oikawa hadn’t told  _ him,  _ Oikawa’s best friend, about the person he was in love with, but he would tell a random girl at a party. Oikawa stiffened up at the suggestion from the girl at the party. “You seemed pretty broken up when you were crying on her, maybe you really should go for it so you can at least get, I don’t know, closure on it all,” Iwaizumi suggested.

_  
_ _ It's such a shame, Even when I tee a round _

 

“Bad idea,” Oikawa told him, and they didn’t talk about it after that. School resumed on the monday, and Iwaizumi realized that Mei had gone to his school the entire time and he had just not known it on friday. Makki and Mattsun were just being weird about it all, he reasoned, because they didn’t think he could get a girlfriend as nice and pretty as Mei was. He did wish that they’d stop though, it was annoying and made him uncomfortable. They wouldn’t tease him, per say, but they would mention Mei in an almost calculating tone, and node a few times after he would reply to them like normal, like they were talking about state secrets.

 

The rest of second year he dated Mei, and he would eat lunch with her at school, he would take her out on dates, he even went on a double date with her and one of her friends and her friend’s boyfriend.Throughout the entire time of the year, Oikawa was fine until someone mentioned Mei. Then he was moody and grumpy and unpredictable and often clingy on Iwaizumi, which he found kind of annoying but it also made his heart race. 

_  
_ _ It's not that I don't try _

 

When they were hanging out in Iwaizumi’s room one day, the shorter male suddenly asked, “You don’t like Mei very much at all, do you? Is there a reason for it, or just you being you?” Oikawa spluttered for a moment, trying to almost deny that he didn’t like Mei but then fading off into an awkward silence. Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows at the alien obsessed boy, almost teasing him but also legitimately concerned about the reason behind his best friend not liking his girlfriend, who Iwaizumi personally thought was pretty fantastic.

 

“I don’t well I…” Oikawa sighed. “Just… me being me, as you phrased it, I guess. I know she’s nice, but I’m… “ Oikawa trailed off again. “We just both want the same things I guess, and she has something that I really want a lot, and that’s not really her fault but I guess I’m … jealous.” Iwaizumi cocked his head. What did Mei have that Oikawa would be jealous of? 

_  
_ _ It's just that I'm better on the ground _

 

Maybe the best thing that happened because of Iwaizumi dating Mei all throughout their second year was that Oikawa not only no longer dragged Iwaizumi to all those stupid parties, but the brunette setter didn’t go to the parties himself either. When Iwaizumi asked him why, Oikawa just shrugged. “It’s no fun without you, and you can’t go obviously because you already have Mei, you don’t need  _ another  _ girlfriend.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

 

“Like you even spent those nights with me anyway. You always went off to get laid, or danced with people.”

 

Suddenly Oikawa was really close to him, having spun on his heel to face Iwaizumi. “I asked  _ you  _ to dance with me,” he murmured, looking confused and sad and a little bit angry. “And you didn’t. So what are you complaining about? You never wanted to dance with anybody, not me. And you never wanted to fuck anyone. And then out of nowhere you have a girlfriend. So it;s not like you wanted my company anyway.” Oikawa then stalked off, and Iwaizumi was almost too distracted by the rapid pounding in his heart to notice.  __  
_  
_ __ What if I gave my ambition for a brain?

 

About a day before second year would be over, Iwaizumi was walking up to the lunch table he sat at with Oikawa and Mattsun and Makki, and he overheard Oikawa saying something to Makki, “I just wanted him to be jealous, y’know? I planned for him to take me up on my offer, and be mad and hot and shit and then everything would end up alright, but instead - Oh, hi Iwa - chan!” Oikawa stopped himself midway through his sentence as Iwaizumi stared at him and his beautiful, beautiful big brown eyes. 

 

Makki smiled at him. “Oikawa was just telling me about his  _ crush.”  _ As Oikawa attacked Makki with slapping and telling him that he better not say shit, Makki just laughed, and when Mattsun showed up he just said he didn’t want to know, thoroughly kissed Makki like he did every day at lunch when he showed up (even when Makki had eaten gross food just before, which Iwaizumi and Oikawa figured was the real sign of true love). __  
_  
_ __ Only a fool would approve that trade

 

About a week into their third year, Mei was with Iwaizumi at a cafe, and she randomly asked, “So how long exactly have you been in love with Oikawa? Just curious.” He gaped at her as she cheekily winked and took a sip of tea. “I’m not an idiot, you know, and you aren’t either which is why it’s puzzling me that you haven’t broken up with me and gone and snogged his pants off already. I mean come on, he’s practically writing out his feelings for you on the walls.” She kept drinking her tea and he just stared. When he didn’t say anything, she gave him a nicer smile. “I’m okay with it, Iwaizumi. This is me formally breaking up with you. Now seriously, go get him!” She made a sharp gesture to the door and suddenly Iwaizumi was smiling.

 

“Do you really think he …” She cut him off and nodded like he was a poor stupid fool. “Then, I think I need to get going,” he told her, and she smiled widely.

 

“Yes! Go! Charm that boy till he drops! Give him the ‘ol one - two in the form of  _ romance _ ,” she batted her eyelids suggestively and he laughed. She reminded him a lot of Oikawa. Maybe that was why he had asked her out in the first place. He laughed, and walked out the door. Maybe he would take her advice.

_  
_ _ Trying to be a perfect circle _

 

It wasn’t till a few days later though that he told Oikawa he had broken up with Mei. When he did he was walking home from school with the brunette setter, and Oikawa stared at him wide those wide brown eyes, and then that sunshine smile worked its way over his face Y’know, maybe she wasn’t all that bad after all,” Oikawa  mused. “I mean, she was okay. Did she break up with you?” Iwaizumi nodded, and Oikawa smiled wider. “Not all that bad after all,” he echoed himself from only a few seconds earlier. 

 

“What’s that about? I thought you hated her,” Iwaizumi complained, stretching a bit and staring up at the sky as his feet kept a steady rhythm with the pounding of his heart. Oikawa just shrugged, smiling that smile that couldn’t be anything but special, the one Iwaizumi insisted to himself was not was not was  _ not. _

_  
_ _ Weak just like I take my drinks _

 

When he walked up to the lunch table he heard Oikawa talking again to Makki. “So I don’t know id maybe this is my chance or if I should try my way that failed the first time,” Oikawa turned to see Iwaizumi. “Iwa - chan! Fancy seeing you here!” His big brown eyes were somewhat full of nerves, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but be reminded of how much Mei had been convinced Oikawa had feelings for him.

 

“I literally sit next to you at lunch every fucking day, how is this a surprise?” Iwaizumi replied dryly, before sitting next to Oikawa. He let their thighs touch, and when Mattsun sat down he went through with the daily ritual of kissing Makki thoroughly, despite Makki having eaten pickles and having drunk coffee only a little while prior (Iwaizumi was almost certain Oikawa and Makki planned gross foods for Makki to eat right before Mattsun made out with him). 

_  
_ _ A crumb upon my plate leads to a week of crying sleep _

 

After school, Iwaizumi confronted Mattsun and Makki behind the school building. “I need advice,” he told them, “on how to tell Oikawa how I feel about him.” They stared at him dumbly for a moment before realisation dawned upon their faces and they started cackling at him as if it was a comedy, his love life was. He stared at them blankly, not knowing how to take what they were doing. Was him liking Oikawa really that funny?

 

“Literally, dude. Do anything. It’ll work, I promise,” Mattsun said, while Makki was still laughing. 

 

“Like he needs advice, Oikawa would say yes if he gave him a banana peel saying ‘date me?’ on it.” At that Mattsun started laughing again. They walked away from Iwaizumi without even really saying any advice. He heard their voices carry as Makki asked, “Are we shit friends?”

 

“Nah, they’re both just dumbasses.”

_  
_ _ I'll never walk away, I could never walk away _

 

A week after he asked Mattsun and Makki for help, he went to Mei again to ask for help from her, she seemed to be a good ex so maybe she could help him out? When he arrived at the cafe he asked her to meet him at, she said, “So how’d it go? Did you confess your love to him and then taste the rainbow? Did you bang on every piece of furniture in his house? I want  _ all  _ the details.” 

 

When he looked at her awkwardly, she gaped. “Wait, you  _ did  _ confess to him, right?! Please tell me you did.” When Iwaizumi grimaced and shook his head slowly in shame, she frowned. “Iwaizumi Hajime, you are officially hopeless. Do you want me to have broken up with you for nothing?! Oh come on, we’re doing this right now.” His eyes widened as she got up, and dragged him up too without either of them having ordered anything. 

_  
_ _ Walk away, I could never walk away _

 

Then they walked up on the street and she said, “If you really aren’t comfortable with this then you can say no. But otherwise I want you to go right now and confess to that pretty boy and then meet me in about four hours at this cafe, okay?  _ Then  _ you can give me the details. Are you in?” Iwaizumi took a deep breath. If he really wasn’t comfortable, she said, he didn’t have to do it. 

 

But if he didn’t do it then, he might never. “Fine,” he caved, “I’m in.” She beamed.

_  
_ _ Walk away, I could never walk away, Walk away _

 

And Iwaizumi realised, when that beautiful sunshine smile was pressed up against his lips at Oikawa’s house after he had run there and stuttered out a really shitty confession like a wreck that -

 

That well, maybe that smile was something special for him after all.  __  
  


_ I could never make you stay _


End file.
